dust storm
there’s an irony in a year–
when significant things happen, we mark the ‘anniversary’–and either celebrate it, mourn it, or remember it and the impact of the event on our lives–we’ve found that true of 9-11, the Beslan seige, Katrina and…personal loss.
why do we remember it? because it represents a huge emotional shift–a benchmark in some places–paradigm shift, if you will.
we remember the Lord’s table monthly because it represents all that Christ came to do for us–to take our punishment for sin, for our human will that rebels, to offer grace, mercy and forgiveness and to allow us access to the Throne of God–a relationship like that with eternal import is so significant, we must remind ourselves regularly not to take it for granted–or get complacent with the things that led up to something like Calvary.
so why this line of thinking? this is the week we observe the destruction of Hurricane Katrina. the irony is it is also a perfect picture of the devastation i was experiencing a year ago today, when my now ex-husband confessed multiple infidelities over the majority of our 9-year marriage.
a year ago today, i lost 3 weeks of time because i was in a fog–barely functioning.
since then, i’ve plunged deep in the Word, joined fellowship at church, focused, and done a year of therapy. i’ve leaned on old friends, made new ones and actively participated in forgiving on a nearly daily basis because i refuse to let the anger and bitterness that CAN accompany personal tragedy rob me of joy.
i leaned hard on Jeremiah 29:11 “for i know the plans i have for you’, declares the Lord. ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to give you hope and a future.” what stuck out was this phrase: “plans to prosper you and not to harm you”–WHAT?! for all the pain i was in, HOW could this not be harming me and my son?
Sin affects–but Grace effects–and in God’s mercy and grace, He was showing me a plan that would prosper me in spiritual fruit, and, in spite of pain, protect me. shelter me. put people into place who were part of that plan to provide…when that finally sunk in, then i could understand better that there was hope and a future–and i could surrender both entirely into His hands.
at the same time, there are moments where i am reminded of my human condition–when the troll is getting hungry. this week has been one of those moments. all week long last week, i was running into people i haven’t seen since last year–people connected to my ex-husband…and they kept surfacing–i haven’t crossed paths in a year, and i see them all at once–more than coincidental, i’d say…and i can see the dust stirring in the breath of the troll–my ex married his girlfriend saturday–he married the woman whose affair with my husband broke my family apart–the clouds are larger–puffs of dust now hanging in the air as the troll gets more active in his cage.
and i look up, barely breathing–scarcely daring to think that after all this time, i STILL have bad feelings to battle–and then suddenly, i realize that these things exist because of the offense–the magnitude of what was broken–and it’s okay to have mixed feelings–acknowlege they exist and lean on the anti-troll restraints–
here’s a good one:
“In that i command thee this day to love the Lord thy God, to walk in His ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgements, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the Lord thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it.” –Deut 30:16
the KO punch on the troll:
“Finally brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think about these things.”
–Philippians 4:8
shaking the dust off my feet….moving forward to ardent hope…